You sit down after a long day and reach for your phone.
There is something funny to watch. A message from someone you like. A discussion you want to follow. For a while, nobody needs anything from you.
Then you notice the time. The evening has nearly disappeared, and you still need to get ready for bed.
You want to spend less time scrolling. But the advice to “just put your phone away” overlooks something: this is where you have been finding a break.
Changing that pattern begins with understanding what makes the break appealing.
Different activities meet different needs.
Messaging a friend can provide companionship. Watching short videos can offer amusement without much effort. Reading discussions can bring stimulation, recognition, or a chance to contribute something you know.
Sometimes the appeal is having control over your attention after spending hours responding to other people. Sometimes it is avoiding a task or a feeling you would rather not encounter.
Before setting a limit, ask: What am I hoping to get when I pick this up?
Then ask another question: Am I getting it?
A conversation with a friend may leave you feeling connected. An hour of arguing with strangers may leave you agitated. Both happen on the same device, but they are different experiences.
Understanding the pattern does not mean you must rely entirely on willpower to change it.
In a randomized trial of blocking smartphone internet access, researchers blocked internet access on participants’ phones for two weeks while leaving calls, texts, and internet use on other devices available. The intervention improved measures of well-being, mental health, and sustained attention.
Following through was difficult. Of 467 people who initially agreed to participate, 119 kept the block active for at least ten of the fourteen days.
The study tested a substantial restriction. It does not establish that every smaller adjustment produces the same results. It does offer evidence that changing access can make a difference.
You might try moving one absorbing activity to a computer, turning off nonessential notifications, or keeping your phone beyond arm’s reach during a chosen part of the evening. Select something practical enough to repeat.
An evening does not become restorative simply because it contains less screen time.
If you put down your phone and immediately start another chore, you have removed the break. It makes sense that you would want it back.
In The Satir Model, congruence involves honoring yourself, other people, and the context. Your need for enjoyment and rest deserves acknowledgment alongside your responsibilities.
Ask what kind of alternative fits your actual energy. After a demanding day, an elaborate hobby may be too much. Listening to music, sitting outside, taking a short walk, or calling someone you enjoy might be more inviting.
Your phone can also remain part of the plan. You might choose a particular conversation or video, then stop when it is finished. The useful question is whether your choice gives you what you came for.
Notice what arrives when the screen goes dark.
Perhaps you are simply bored. Perhaps you feel lonely, restless, or suddenly aware of tension you had stopped noticing.
You do not need to interpret every uncomfortable moment as trauma. But if stepping away repeatedly brings a familiar sense of threat or distress connected with earlier experiences, therapy can help you explore that.
Deep Brain Reorienting (DBR) is one approach to trauma treatment. ink="true" data-sb-uuid="5f0f0c0e-6e3e-4e5c-828b-fc0d85482747">A randomized controlled trial of Deep Brain Reorienting for PTSD found reductions in PTSD symptoms compared with a waitlist. That research concerns PTSD; it does not establish DBR as a treatment for excessive phone use.
Its relevance would depend on whether trauma-related reactions are part of your particular pattern.
Choose one recurring situation: scrolling after dinner, checking your phone in bed, or opening an app whenever a task becomes difficult.
Decide what you will try instead, including how you will get the break you need. Give the experiment several days, then look beyond the minutes recorded on your phone.
Are you sleeping when you intended to? Enjoying more of the evening? Feeling more connected? Does the alternative actually satisfy you?
If the change leaves you feeling deprived, examine what is missing and adjust it.
The aim is to make choices that leave you with more of what you want from your time.
Anne Lindyberg, LMHC (Iowa), LCPC (Illinois), integrates the experiential therapy of Virginia Satir with Deep Brain Reorienting (DBR) and the Alexander Technique. She specializes in helping adults with complex and developmental trauma create lasting emotional change through therapy.
This article and other informational content on this website are provided for educational purposes only. They are not a substitute for individualized professional care, do not constitute advice specific to your circumstances, and do not establish a therapist-client relationship.
This work is created on the traditional and unceded lands of Indigenous peoples; a fuller acknowledgment of the land, its history, and its peoples is available on this website.
These blog posts are drafted with the support of ChatGPT. All posts are reviewed and edited by the author for accuracy, and consistency with the values of the author and this practice.
Castelo, N., Kushlev, K., Ward, A. F., Esterman, M., & Reiner, P. B. (2025). “Blocking Mobile Internet on Smartphones Improves Sustained Attention, Mental Health, and Subjective Well-being.” https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/39967678/
Satir, V., Banmen, J., Gerber, J., & Gomori, M. (1991). The Satir Model: Family Therapy and Beyond. Science & Behavior Books. Chapter 4, pp. 66, 68. https://bit.ly/SatirModel1stEd
Kearney, B. E., et al. (2023). “A Randomized Controlled Trial of Deep Brain Reorienting: A Neuroscientifically Guided Treatment for Post-traumatic Stress Disorder.” https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37581275/
Midwest Center for Transformational Change PLC