When the Day Is Over | Part 3
You finish the dishes. The messages are answered. Nobody needs you for the next hour.
You have been wanting a break all day, but now that it is here, you cannot seem to take it. You turn on a show and barely follow it. You get up to check something. You sit down again.
A drink sounds like a way to settle in.
In part 1 of this series, the question was whether anxiety follows you home from work. Part 2 looked at the appeal of a drink when little else sounds pleasurable. There is another possibility: what if slowing down makes you more aware of things you have been holding at a distance?
People sometimes imagine trauma as a memory that arrives clearly, like a scene in a film. It can be that. It can also show up as tension, unease, or a strong wish to avoid a feeling you cannot readily name.
During a busy day, there are tasks to do and people to respond to. Your attention has somewhere to go. When the activity stops, you may notice that your body has not received the message that it can stop too.
This does not mean that difficulty relaxing proves you have trauma. There are many reasons a person may feel unsettled at night. But if quiet brings a familiar sense of threat, dread, or emotional exposure, it may be worth exploring.
In a qualitative study of in-the-moment reasons for trauma-related drinking, participants with PTSD symptoms described wanting alcohol for several different reasons: to numb difficult thoughts and feelings, to distract themselves, to feel something pleasant, or to connect with other people. No single explanation covered everyone.
Before reaching for a drink, you might ask what you hope will be different afterward.
Will your body feel less tense? Will your thoughts move farther away? Will you be able to sit beside someone without feeling so exposed? Will you finally feel as if the day is over?
There is no need to turn the question into a test you can pass or fail. Sometimes you want a drink because you like one. Sometimes you want relief. Both may be true.
In a study of PTSD symptoms, coping motives, and alcohol craving, stronger PTSD symptoms were more closely linked with craving at moments when participants reported drinking motives related to coping. The researchers did not find the same pattern for alcohol consumed. Wanting a drink and having one are not identical events.
That distinction leaves space for curiosity. What feeling precedes the wish? What else changes between the wish and the choice?
It may help to look beyond a single evening. Are there particular days when settling down is harder? Does the wish for a drink follow a poor night’s sleep, an argument, a family visit, or time spent alone?
A daily study of sleep, trauma symptoms, and drinking motives found that poorer sleep quality was associated with more PTSD symptoms and stronger motives to drink to cope that day. It did not find that this sequence led participants to drink more. The study involved a specific group of young women who had experienced sexual violence; it is a clue to consider, not a script for everyone.
You may notice a different pattern entirely. What matters is seeing your own life more clearly.
If a drink has been a reliable way to soften the evening, it makes sense that giving it up—or even delaying it—might sound unappealing. You do not have to begin by taking something away.
You can begin by asking why rest is difficult. Is there a feeling that arrives when things get quiet? Does being still leave you alert for what might happen next? Do you know what ease feels like when you are not using anything to create it?
Therapy can offer a place to explore those questions, particularly when they connect with trauma. If alcohol use itself is becoming difficult to control or is causing harm, it deserves direct assessment and appropriate care as well. You do not have to wait until one concern is resolved before taking the other seriously.
Part 1: Is It Anxiety That Makes Me Want a Drink After Work?
Part 2: Why Does a Drink Sound Good When Nothing Else Does?
Part 3: Why Is It So Hard to Unwind Without a Drink?
Anne Lindyberg, LMHC (Iowa), LCPC (Illinois), integrates the experiential therapy of Virginia Satir with Deep Brain Reorienting (DBR) and the Alexander Technique. She specializes in helping adults with complex and developmental trauma create lasting emotional change through therapy. She addresses substance use when it occurs alongside another mental health concern; she does not provide stand-alone substance use treatment.
This article and other informational content on this website are provided for educational purposes only. They are not a substitute for individualized professional care, do not constitute advice specific to your circumstances, and do not establish a therapist-client relationship.
This work is created on the traditional and unceded lands of Indigenous peoples; a fuller acknowledgment of the land, its history, and its peoples is available on this website.
“Identifying In-the-Moment Reasons for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder-Related Drinking: A Qualitative Investigation.” 2025. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/40857516/
“Role of Momentary Alcohol Cognitions in Event-Level Relations Between PTSD Symptoms and Alcohol Outcomes.” 2025. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/39654470/
“From Sleep to Sip? Examining a Daily Model of Sleep and Trauma-Related Drinking Among Sexual Violence Survivors.” 2025. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/39418442/
Midwest Center for Transformational Change PLC